Black Friday

Who Knew I liked trying on clothes on so much that I practically gave my mom a mini fashion show after all the shopping we did on black friday. I 'm so freaking happy about the purches I made at H&M and Macy and that's all we went to. I only dropped by Zara for a second and saw some ok stuff for 14.99 but really the stuff was still quite cheap looking.
too lazy to rotate it but yeah this is me in H&M i kinda liked that green double breasted/band looking sweater but afraid that it made my soldiers look bigger/bulkier.

i'm such a fatty i had to get this cute blazer in a larger sizeAnd my last purchase at H&M is something that resembles a prom dress. I love it, it's perfect for me, a bustier top and puffy bottom. I just need to make sure not to gain weight, lose if i can and find better shoes to go with it.
I love how my belt just makes the dress. albeit you can't really see it and good thing if anything it should be a better picture for prom if i decide to even go or i can wear it to christmas eve mass
ready to look christmasy next to mish


i had to post all this and i do not want to go to school tomorrow.
NO

Nooo not Like Me.......But I like my Water on the Moon

I love hanging out with Mish, but I hope not too much of me rubs off on her or we just hangs out with me too much that she knows me too well. I mean I try not to talk about how I think I look fat and wish I was skinny too much otherwise my friends will most likely just say that I dont' need to, but I do or else I will let myself go. It's not that important but it's still upsetting that I don't fit into all xs as well only some depending on the store. I know my family knows how I don't like to eat alot and I call myself fat or my excuse for not wanting to eat certain food is because I'll get fat and what not.
It's true I'm very conscious about that subject. I truelly love/ hate food. I'm asian and I notice how much rice I used to eat and sometimes do so since middle school I've trained myself to limit my intake of rice and breads and carbs. But I still love french baguette and sticky rice(not dry plz).
It's all in good fun though that Michelle has been pointing out how I'm afraid to get fat. Which I really try not to complain about around my friends. . . .............does this mean I've gotten that much fatter?? I know I've gained weight since summer and I hate it but aw mannnn
I have very strange eating habits and it all depends on my surroundings so most likely (this is horrible) I won't eat that much for thanksgiving with family until I'm home(not at grandpas) so yeah I'll still control myself somehow. I have a problem with and no one really knows what I went through in the summer with food and up til now kind of -__-
I"m going to go run today for a bit after I start my effin TOK hw stupid teacher assigns an essay due next time right before break whatever
Did you know that there could be water on the moon?? it's a whole new moon lol I want to see that movie with my best friend
update: oh and I'll try to post more outfits if i wasnt' so tired when i got home I would ...

First Oufitpost yeah boiii

in the outfit, billabong cardigan, wetseal lace shirt, ann taylor loft vest, guess kids jeans, steve maddens girls boots

like a boy in lace
fall is here but today was quite warm and sunny it kept getting in my eyes

All that's good and bad about Halloween

Normally I would post something like this in my livejournal, but idk why I feel like updating this with my surprisingly long Halloween day not so much night but I'm up this late. I'm not even sure why, maybe because I feel a new resolution in me and my mom is out late on a date. eh anyways
Seriously getting my SAT scores this week ruined my weekend and my whole
My whole weekend pretty much revolved around my doomed future and my fail SAT scores that Halloween just made it worst. I mean when I first saw my score I tried to be positive about and see that it's still possible for me to get into a decent college with it. I knew SJ would get a good score so I didn't mind. But Han just had to talk about college and her score on Friday when I was still trying to forget about until after Halloween. She kept complaining about her score and her lack of money for college which made me realize is it really that hard to come with money for college? I realize yes especially for her, but I for sure cant get many scholarships. She made me feel like I have such a small chance of getting into a decent college or the college of my dreams for that matters. I hate the whole college application and academic process that makes us too competitive sometimes and I feel so reduced to just a number such as my darn GPA and my all knowing SAT score that in fact say nothing about me other than crap about me why do we even bother with it?
I feel so bad about myself just because of a few numbers? that say I'm not good enough because it's not high enough yet I need to strive for the perfect score and I fail completely short of it. How amI supposed to feel now? Oh yes hopeless. I don't think that badly of a cc, but I just dont' like thinking of myself as going to such a place. But Han made it seem that way and I thought about what she said about going to CSULB to for two years and then transferring to a better UC, but then I would still have to maintain a pretty high GPA in order to transfer not that I wouldnt' try naturally but god how much lower do i have to sink seriously.
However I loved my outfit on Friday and my costume was recognized, it's so cool howthe bones on the shirt are extended by my black leggings almost like bones hehe i wish I really need to begin working out some more. And the pep rally was damn lame. jeezus
When my dad picked me up I always know the topic of conversation College yay my favorite topic since I got into high school. It began like this so what is my SAT score? It went up good right? How much? only 100/10 points It's now only 1710 sad pathetic what did all my preperation do? nothing gawd i'm doomed for failure from the start. Well obviously he just told me what I already knew and how I should've tried to study harder wtih his books. As if books help they dont at all since they just put me to sleep and I just dont think that pushing a bunch of books at me is good enough. Im really not that smart but I try and I fail so pathetic. My dad could've actaully been around more often to help guide me along gosh.

So ever since everyone on friday kept talkiing about college and SAT scores, I feel so depressed and hopeless. My SAT scores should be so much better after how hard I tried to do well on them. I feel horrible that my gpa is low, my SAT score is low, i lack in good extra curriculers and my personal statements so far have been blah It's like where can I get into collge anymore?
Gawd I feel so lame pathetic etc I have no future thanks to my friends and dad unless I get into a good college There's no point in living anymore I"ll have done is for nothing and for no good It'll get me no where.
Now if only I could retake the SATs again hmm....I can it's next week on the day of my cousins wedding. Why does she always plan her wedding around the SATs and things like that. I even missed her dam hoi just to study for the SATs , which I still failed and I felt bad for ditching but I had to try. I feel so helpless in the prospect of my future that I have to try to something to salvage it I would've taken it next week if i hadn't changed to go to the wedding. Now I 've decided to sign up for it the day of and skip part of my cousins wedding. Why am I trying so hard? I"m like destined to be a failure. I cried over it so much that it might just make me feel better to take it agian and try harder oh dear god. I'm horrible I'm mising my own cousins wedding to take a stupid test. How bad is this gonna turn out?
So that's the dilema that took up most of my saturday afternoon of Halloween. Crying about my hoepless life and future. I really wanted to forget yesterday but I had to freakin think about it what the hell am i gonna do with my life if ti's like controlled by sat scores and gpas. And then I had to get ready for trick or treating that I promised to meeat mish at bella terra at 4 so it looked like i was with her the whole time.